NO MORE YELLING!

Can I say I have been struggling? Are we as mothers allowed to struggle? Sometimes I wonder. I think HF suspected I was having issues because Sunday the lesson, called The Tongue of Angels by Elder Holland, was for me. Monday night I attempted to give it as our family home evening lesson to a gaggle of screaming kids. Needless to say I totally let my temper get the best of me and yelled loud enough that the neighbors heard. I was totally irrational and told CW I needed to leave the house. I went for a drive, just down the street as I was wearing neither glasses nor shoes and sat and read a book I had in the van for an hour. When I got home the house was quite and the kids were in bed. CW asked if I was mad at him, he was wondering because I had also yelled at *him* Monday morning because *he* had no clean socks and he was upset at me for slacking on the laundry. I snarked that I wasn't his mother or his maid and he could do his own laundry. I know it's my job to do the laundry after all he works his butt off all day and I am here. I have no excuses because I know it's my job, I was just mad that I was the one who was to blame and he was pointing that out. Anyway back to my story, I told him I wasn't mad at him and that my mother/maid comment was uncalled for as I am the one supposed to be doing the laundry. I also told him I wasn't mad at the kids because let's face it, they are children, it's *their* job to be loud and obnoxious and my job to teach them how to be less loud and less obnoxious (let me know if you out there have suggestions). I was in reality mad at myself for getting so out of control that if forced me to leave our home lest I do or say something hurtful to him or our children. I know I am totally embarrassed that it has come to this.

So this afternoon. I talked with Alex and Lily about how I needed their help to be a better mommy. I told them that I needed them to help me yell less and what would help me is if they yelled less. We agreed that we would have a no yelling policy in our home. We talked about things to do to bring the spirit to your home and that the spirit has been missing because there was so much yelling. We agreed that there would be time out for anyone who yelled 10 minutes on the couch in the computer room for the kids and 10 minutes cleaning up for me (because there is always cleaning to do). We also agreed that there would be a reward for any day we could go completely without yelling. So I called CW up and explained what the children and I had discussed and asked if he would give me a blessing to help me with this problem, he agreed that it was a good idea but has to work late most of this week so we decided Sunday after church would be the best time for that. Anyway...so now you know my ugly secret, please Heavenly Father help me is all I ask.