I have struggled with words for the last few days. Words to write here. Words to tell my mom. Words to comfort my friend. I am at a loss. I am a girl divided. I have finally come to a crossroads. To blog or not to blog. I have decided to blog and hope for forgiveness if this is inappropriate.
I went to a beautiful funeral today. The building was full. Of people and flowers. It was lovely to hear the tributes given. My beautiful friend, spoke so eloquently of her mother. I was moved as she spoke of her mother having faith and hope and charity. I was amazed. The music was lovely. I especially enjoyed the special number, The Trumpets Shall Sound, which is from the Messiah. My dad actually sang this, he was a wonderful singer, who loved the Messiah. Anyway after the funeral, family and friends were invited to gather at my friend's parent's home. It is a beautiful home in the very heart of Fort Worth. It was full of people who loved this woman dearly. I was there because I love my friend and I wanted her to know.
I thought about love all day. My mom and I have had an on going argument, do we as humans actually have an endless capacity to love? I say yes, she says no. Can you love a stranger? I say yes, she says no. Can you love innumerable children the same? We both say no. Me because I don't think you can love any child the same, I think we love our children for different reasons, not less just different. She sees her love as finite limited to the six children she has (although now that I think about it she loves her grandchildren, I think she just thinks there should be a limit). We disagree on so many things and it makes me wonder what my own mother, the one who gave birth to me, would believe. Thus the reason I am divided. I love two mothers equally but differently. In some ways I know she feels this is a betrayal. I just feel God has blessed me with endless capacity to love, I think he blesses us all with this gift. She asked me today how I can love this friend though I barely know her. I don't know the answer, it just is.
So today I say to my friends, I love you, with no reasons really except for that you have touched my heart and taken me in when I most needed friends. I have always loved the poem that goes like this... Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.
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1 comment:
You have an amazing capacity to love.
Thank you so much for your post. I agree with you that love is endless. Sometimes it can be hard to tap, but it is there. If we are to become like our Savior who had such enormous love for all, how could we not have the capability?
But like I said, it might be hard to get in touch with.
I appreciate you and your kind, loving words. I have sincerely felt cared for by you.
Thank you.
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